36 DAYS TIL I'M HOMELESS BCUZ LANDLORDS ARE AN OPPRESSIVE CLASS OF MORONS, IDIOTS & FUCKHEADS
with VERY few exceptions
ALLLLMOST got a place for Dec 1. Saw it yesterday. It was great. Clean. New appliances. All four burners worked. (Only two work currently on the stove in the apartment I’n in.)
I just got off the phone with the landlord, the lady who showed me the place yesterday because I’d texted her the below question and concerns I had and she for some reason didn’t understand them, so she asked me to call. Here’s how that call went:
ME: Hi. I'm just calling to make sure that once I give the deposit, the apartment is on hold while I get the other information ready (bank info, pay stubs, etc).
LANDLORD: I do not know what you mean.
ME: UM. I'm not sure how much clearer I can make it. I'm asking you this: once I give the deposit, deposit meaning money, is the apartment is on hold while I get the other information ready (bank info, pay stubs, etc)? Will you stop showing it?
LANDLORD: I cannot hold the apartment for you if you do not pay.
ME: I'm not asking you to. I'm telling you I can have the deposit money together by Monday but the rental agreement language is vague. Once you have my deposit, will the apartment be taken off the market? Or will you keep showing it until you find the person with the highest possible credit rating?
LANDLORD: That apartment is not available anymore. Two people...I just showed them apartment. They are going to the bank right now to get the money.
*WHY DIDN'T SHE JUST TELL ME THIS FROM THE START OF THE PHONE CALL?*
ME: [Sighing} Okay. So the apartment is gone. Which partially answers my question. But there's a TON of paperwork you require for this apartment. So are you saying that the MONEY puts the apartment on HOLD? See, I didn't want to tie up 1500$ while you slowly go over all my financials, job info, etc. Because if I find a better place, I wouldn't be able to give a deposit, because YOU will have my money.
LANDLORD: I do not know what you mean.
ME: How did you get to become a landlord if you can't understand these very basic, yet crucial, questions? All of the questions I've been asking you are pertinent to rental agreements, which you look at every single day. How do you not understand what I am asking?
LANDLORD: The apartment has been rented.
ME: NO it hasn't. Not LEGALLY. You're telling me that two people are coming back from the bank with the DEPOSIT. But you told me yesterday that you go over credit reports, job letters, references, and all else with a fine tooth comb, and then after a WEEK OR MORE, THEN YOU tell the person whether they can have the apartment. So why are the rules different for these people coming back from the bank? If you JUST showed them the apartment, there's NO WAY they have all that other information filled out for you (bank info, pay stubs, financial information dating back to the 1980s, the name of my first born daughter if I ever have one...which I won't). You told ME that until ALL that information is filled out, a person cannot legally rent the apartment. Can you explain this discrepancy between how you are treating these people returning from the bank with fistfuls of cash and how you treated me? Are they friends? Why is money the only factor here?
LANDLORD: I do not know what you mean.
ME: So...you're a professional idiot? You just don't know what anybody is talking about...ever? Where might I apply to be a moron and make the money that you make? Can you tell me that?
LANDLORD: I am hanging up now.
ME: You don't need to warn me. You just fucking hang up, you garbage person.
The place yesterday was @ 77 Howard, 5 mins from where I live now. She (the landlord) spoke to me like I was 6 years old. I've rented 15 places since I moved to Toronto in 2007. ALL terminated leases were on the LANDLORD'S part. One died and before his corpse was even cold his daughter barged in and told us we all had to move out cuz she was selling. We negotiated 2 months of free rent or said we’d fight it. The woman gave it to us. That woman reminds me of my favourite Norm Macdonald joke:
I ain't saying she's a gold digga...but she DOES have a bunch of canteens and gold pans loosely strapped to her burro.
Selling the house you grew up in 16 hours after your father died? I shouldn’t judge. Maybe he was an abusive father. I don’t know. But it seems pretty cold.
Another landlord decided "his family" was gonna move in (it wasn't his family who moved in, it was a gaggle1 of young U of T students with the means - by which I mean parents - to pay more), TWO consecutive landlords panicked cuz of COVID and evicted me to sell. The rest were either 6 month sublets or year-long leases. I stayed @ one place over 3 years.) The place I’m in now was a last-minute desperate grab. My landlord’s in the Caribbean. He said November was the soonest he’d be back when we moved in on June 1. So he gave us one extra month.
I can’t take much more of this.
Also, that landlord was a such a condescending asshole. So I've lived in 15 places in 14 years. Don't speak to me like I just left the nest and am cowering at the thought of living alone in the big bad city, like that old Green Day song.
(It's actually a pretty great song, LYRICALLY. Musically, it's sounds like every other Green Day tune. Starts out with the kid all scared and shit to be living alone in the city. 8 months later he's totally acclimatized and never wants to leave. And both POVs are sung by Billie Joe Armstrong as a letter to his mother. My fav line would be the one in the chorus: some call it slums, some call it nice. It’s incredible the number of places I’ve seen & liked that other people think are repugnant ghettos. At this point, I just need a fucking roof. Not gabled vents. A roof.)
Sigh. Welcome to Paradise.
“pack?” :murder?” “group?”